Old West Insults & Sayings ( Part Two)
SKINNY/FAT He is so thin he could take a bath in a shotgun barrel. If he closed one eye he'd look like a needle. He is so fat, you'd have to throw a diamond hitch to keep him in the saddle. He is built like a snake on stilts. HAPPY He was grinnin like a weasel in a hen house. He's as pleased as a pup with 2 tails. He's grinnin like a jack ass eatin cactus She was as chipper as a jay bird. He was grinnin' like a baked possum. LAZY He's as slow as molasses in January. He's too lazy to yell "Sueee" in a pig pen. He moves as slow as a crippled turtle. He's so lazy, molasses wouldn't run down his legs. LIES/CROOKED He's so crooked, he could swallow nails and spit out corkscrews. He told lies so well a man would be a foot not to believe them. He's as crooked as a dog's hind legs. He's lyin' like a rug. VOICE/SINGING His voice sounded like someone forgot to grease the wagon. His singin' was enough to make a she-wolf jealous. He punished the air with his singing. He had a voice like a burro with a bad cold.
OTHER He didn't have manners enough to carry guts to a bear. He couldn't hit a bull's rump with a handful of banjos. He was as drunk as a fiddler's clerk. She's as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. He'd been in the desert so long, he knew all the lizards by their first names. He ain't fit to shoot at when you want to unload and clean yo' gun. His mustache smelled like a mildewed saddle blanket after it had been rid on a soreback hoss three hundred miles in August. He was grittin' his teeth like he could bite the sites off a six-gun. It was so dry the bushes followed the dogs around. He'd been in the desert so long, he knew all the lizards by their first names. He's as as dead as a can of corned beef. He's as welcome as a rattlesnake at a square dance. rattle snakeThis saloon's so bad, a rattlesnake'd be ashamed to meet his mother. He lasted as long as a pint of whiskey in a five-handed poker game. She's as pretty as a speckled pup. He is as poor as a church mouse. He's as rich as possum gravy. He was as popular as a wet dog at a parlor social. He couldn't track a bed-wagon through a bog hole.
