Old West Insults & Sayings ( Part One)
MEAN/ANGRY
He was mad enough to swallow a horn-toad backwards.
He's so mean he'd steal a fly from a blind spider.
He was so mean, he'd fight a rattler and give him the first bite.
He was mean enough to steal a coin off a dead man's eyes.
He made an ordinary fight look like a prayer meetin'.
When I'm done with you, there won't be enough left of you to snore.
He was mad enough to swallow a horn-toad backwards.
He was mean enough to eat off the same plate with a snake.
He was so mad he could bite himself.
When I'm done with you, there won't be enough left of you to snore.
He was mean enough to hunt bears with a hickory switch.
UGLY
He was uglier than a new-sheared sheep.
He has teeth so crooked he could eat corn on the cob through a picket fence.
His face was puckered like wet sheepskin before a hot fire.
Her face looks like a dime's worth of dog meat.
He was ugly as a burnt boot.
He was so ugly he had to sneak up on a dipper to get a drink of water.
He looked like the hindquarters of bad luck.
His lip hangs down like a blacksmith's apron.
She's so ugly, she could back a buzzard off a gut-wagon.
He looks so bad his ears flop.
She's so ugly, she'd make a freight train take a dirt road!
He's as ugly as homemade sin.
She's so ugly she could bluff a buzzard off a meat wagon.
CRAZY
He was crazy enough to eat the devil with horns on.
He's kinda off his mental reservation.
His intelligence shore ain't at this camp.
He's as crazy as popcorn on a hot stove.
He is as crazy as a sheepherder.
Somebody stole his rudder.
He's crazier than a run over coon.
He's studying to be a half wit.
STUPID
His brain cavity wouldn't make a drinkin' cup for a canary.
He couldn't teach a hen to cluck.
He knows as much about it as a hog does a hip pocket in a bathing suit.
His knife's so dull it wouldn't cut hot butter.
He don't know dung from wild honey.
If all his brains were dynamite, there wouldn't be enough to blow his nose.
He couldn't cut a lame cow from a shade tree.
He couldn't track an elephant in snow.
He was so dumb he couldn't drive nails in a snowbank.
He's as dull as dishwater.
He don't know any more about it than a hog does a sidesaddle.
He is plumb weak North of his ears.
He can't tell skunks from house cats.
He had a ten dollar Stetson on a five-cent head.
His family tree was a shrub.
He couldn't track a bed-wagon through a bog hole.
He didn't have nuthin' under his hat but hair.
He couldn't hit the ground with his hat in three throws.
He was as shy of brains as a terrapin is of feathers.
He can't tell skunks for house cats.
